Therapy Session #2- Guilt and Shame

I finished my second therapy session, and today I have to say I left feeling much better than I did last time. Last time we kinda just unpacked the trauma and just left it. We went over things that I have been through, and she got to know me. Today we picked up some of those pieces and started dealing with them. It was rough. In the first session, I left sweaty and exhausted. Today I left sweaty but hopeful. We put in place a plan for me to deal with the loss and trauma of the miscarriage. By the way, her office is not hot. I think sweating maybe my body's reaction to talking about things I don't like talking about. Defense mechanism. I even put on more deodorant today thinking that would help, but I guess that doesn't help back sweat lol.

Anyway, today she said something today I found profound. We were talking about me accepting that God's love for me does not change regardless of what I have done, what decisions I have made, and even how I feel about him. I was telling her I need to keep reciting it to myself, but she said reciting is not the same as receiving it. Mic drop. I started laughing because she was absolutely right I could tell myself that over and over again, but if I never accept is I am just wasting breath.

We also tackled the fact that I am literally just meeting my kid's needs, and not truly being present for them. That one stung because it also was true. I did not get defensive and think she was calling me a bad parent. I knew exactly what she meant. I function for the next moment what's next and what to expect at every moment. I have no time to live in the present because I am to busy trying to figure out how to deal with what is next. This isn't the first time I have heard this, but I pray it is the last. We also came up with a plan for this. I look forward to sharing the rest of my journey with you.

One love,

DQue