The Process

I started 2022 not really knowing where to go. I had all these plans, but anxiety and fear kept me from moving forward. I was not sure I wanted to be that exposed to the world. So I had a real conversation with myself. What did I really really want? I wrote a bunch of lists and then kept throwing them away because that is what other people wanted from me. That was not what I wanted for myself. I finally told myself this year would be a building year. My health is my top priority. Anxiety had started to become crippling again so my physical, mental and emotional health was my priority. I had been a guest at my friend's gym for the month of December 2021 with no intentions of joining because our garage is pretty much its own little personal gym. I worked out mostly at home and of course, I don't like being around new people like that. However, I fell in love with the atmosphere. It was amazing and Trish pushed me totally out of my comfort zone in a way I couldn't do for myself. Workouts are intense, and fun and we laugh a lot. I knew I liked this place because in December my friend said she wasn't going to make it to a session, and I went anyway. That was huge for me and I even made friends. Anyway, by the time January came, I knew I was joining. I didn't even wait for Trish to reach out to me to see how December went I DM'd her on IG and told her I wanted to join. 2022 was about health. I knew it. I worked out A LOT. I went to as many sessions as possible, but there was still something that I had finally decided that I wanted.

I really wanted to finish my accounting degree. I didn't feel worthy without it, and I had been lying to myself telling myself that was not what I really wanted. Therapy unlocked a lot of this for me. So I began googling accounting degrees. When I was younger I wanted to be an FBI agent, but I thought it was not possible for someone like me so I never pursued it. In my google search, I found a forensic accounting degree. While I may never work for the FBI, this is a degree I could obtain. So I did it. I enrolled in school. My husband and kids went to church one Saturday, and by the time they came home, I had enrolled in school. I have always been embarrassed that I didn't finish my degree at Texas Southern, but I always felt like the process of things were always more difficult for me there than it should have been. Plus with my life now I can't go to campus so I needed an online degree. (Just note I love my HBCU and I will always and forever be a Tiger!) All of that to say now I am having to take a few more classes because I transferred. It set me back a bit, but anything worth really having is worth fighting for. These classes are kicking my ass! I have spent several Sundays in my room from morning until night doing homework, crying, and then doing more homework. I took a short break from classes in November and December just to breathe, but I will be starting right back on January 2nd! This year I fell in love with the journey. I'm proud of that. I am going after everything that I did not think I deserved or could obtain. My 5-year plan is in place, and every day is a fight to keep going. Therapy taught me that I am resilient. At times I feel like I take one step in the right direction in one area and then in other areas multiple parts of my life felt like the bottom fell out beneath me. When I would scramble to get that back together other areas would break apart. So here I am holding a lot of broken pieces trying my best to keep as much of it together. That is who I am and I am going to keep getting back up no matter how much I fall down. A lot of this I thought I would never share because I just wanted to pop out with a cap and gown or with this beautiful body, but I think the world is missing the process so I am showing you the raw in the middle of the process. If you struggling I encourage you to find one area in your life and focus on that one thing for one entire year. At the end of that year, you'll be grateful. My workout is non-negotiable and is now so ingrained in my family it is part of our lifestyle. Keep fighting friends dreams do come true!!

One Love,

D'Que