Clear Eyes Full Heart

If you are a Friday Night Lights watcher then you know the title came from there. Clear eyes full hearts can't lose. I also have to add that my husband, Myon, was in both the television show and the movie. I can't mention that title without him reminding me. Anyway, I have been reflecting on the Christmas holiday in my head over and over the past few days. Our Christmas was quiet it was just us at home we didn't go anywhere. We did zoom with a couple of family members. As the night came to an end I told Myon today was my perfect Christmas. The kids woke up and everyone loved all of their gifts. As the first set of our kids get older it gets tougher trying to buy things they really like. Myon and I cooked together in the kitchen and it did not give me anxiety. I prefer to cook in the kitchen alone. We laughed, danced, and enjoyed the company. We sat down together as a family and talked. We banned phones from the table and engaged in conversation with our kids. We played this or that and/or would you rather? I sat and enjoyed the laughter of the youngest two as they giggled with excitement. Myon and Myles crashed on the couch while watching a movie. Mayson, Melody, and I were out shortly thereafter. In my Ice Cube voice, "Today was a good day."

I realize that I don't often bask in these emotions or appreciate these moments. I know they won't last forever, but sometimes I get so caught up in making the moments perfect that I miss them. I need more of this, just living and enjoying moments as they pass. Appreciating moments for what they are. No time restricts or I needing to be somewhere else. I need to just enjoy things as they are, not worrying about what is next. I truly missed my parents, and my brother and his family this Christmas. I usually spend Christmas with them, but it was important for us to miss this one so we may have the next one. With the spread of coronavirus on the rise, I just did not want to chance it. Maybe if my family was local, but with us all being three different cities it was just too big of a risk. I was able to focus on what was in front of me instead of what wasn't. That hasn't happened in a long time.

I know holidays are hard, especially if you are missing a loved one that is no longer with us. I pray that as time goes on you choose to reflect on those good times with them, and not the fact they are not here. I pray that your grief takes you to a place of appreciation, and not into a black fog. Clear eyes full heart can't lose.

One Love, D'Que